BY HILLARY VOLPER, LCSW

Gossip, defined as sharing rumors, or personal information about others who are not present, is a common social  behavior across history. Research shows that women frequently gossip about social topics and appearance, while men concentrate more on achievements.  Though women often share more negative information, both genders share positive information equally.

Gossip can serve several functions for the person spreading it. It may stem from jealousy, competition or a  desire to damage reputations, but may also be a wish to bond and validate information within  a group. Some people gossip for enjoyment or even to protect themselves or others. 

Surprisingly research suggests harming someone is less frequently a strong motivator compared to relationship-building and sharing information.

For those gossiped about, the effects are usually negative, including feelings of anxiety, depression, and anger.  If targeted by gossip, helpful steps include remaining calm, protecting self-esteem, kindly expressing feelings to the gossiper if possible, avoiding escalation on social media, and seeking friendships from supportive people. 

Echoing Socrates’s wisdom, before speaking about others ask:  Is it true? Is it kind? Is it useful? Practicing mindfulness can benefit all, as gossip is nearly a universal behavior. 

Hillary Volper, LCSW, conducts individual psychotherapy both in-person and via telehealth. She has offices in New York City and in Larchmont and can be reached at 914-980-7980. Visit www.HillaryVolper.com for more information.