Being too nice is problematic. Excessive niceness leads to difficulties in relationships, friendships and work environments.  Not being able to create boundaries and set limits is often complicated.

  People are fearful of hurting others, or feel their needs are less important.  And without realizing it a person may also be enacting earlier roles from childhood. 

To resolve these habits, realize that saying “no” is a form of self-care.  But learning to overcome these tendencies require that one allow oneself to feel and experience one’s disagreeable feelings.  The ones that you may have been denying for many years.  Denial plays a big role in causing one to make right what isn’t. 

To set limits with people, you will need to understand what makes you upset. That means you need to experience your  feelings. The more you know what makes you upset the easier it will for you to say “no” to small dilemmas that arise.  As you gain confidence, it slowly may become easier to set limits with greater confidence.

Prioritizing and being true to yourself will deepen your sense of self-esteem and foster respect from others.

Hillary Volper, LCSW, conducts individual psychotherapy both in-person and via telehealth. She has offices in New York City and in Larchmont and can be reached at 914-980-7980. Visit www.HillaryVolper.com for more information.