BY HILLARY VOLPER, LCSW

Zen meditation teachers often share a story that illustrates how our minds can quickly derail when faced with pain or difficulty. Imagine being struck by an arrow. Of course, you would feel pain. Yet, instead of simply acknowledging it, the mind adds another layer: “Why me?” It might spiral into anger, self-pity, or withdrawal. This second arrow—our reaction—often hurts more than the first.

The teaching invites us to notice how our thoughts amplify suffering. The original pain may be real, but the stories we construct around it prolong and deepen our distress.  When we obsess or ruminate, we nurture emotional wounds rather than heal them. 

The remedy is awareness.  Catch yourself as the “runaway horses” of your mind begin to gallop. 

Take a deep breath and observe what you’re doing as the emotional wave rises.

If breathing alone doesn’t help, shift your focus. Engage in an activity to “change the channel” of your mind.

If that still fails, change your surroundings. Walk, move, or exercise to return your body to the present moment.

As a meditator, I can tell you it works. But like any skill, it takes intention. And consistent effort.  .

Hillary Volper, LCSW, conducts individual psychotherapy both in-person and via telehealth. She has offices in New York City and in Larchmont and can be reached at 914-980-7980. Visit www.HillaryVolper.com for more information.